The Billboard Shepherd

2010-07-21T08:01:00.001-07:00

I live in a fantasy world.

And by fantasy world, I mean a country that exists only in my imagination in which people base their opinions on common sense, equality and level-headed judgment. A fictitious realm where there are no religious zealots screaming prophecies from soap boxes claiming the end of the world is nigh, just like they did ten years ago, twenty years ago, two thousand years ago. In this fantasy world all religions are respected by all religions in a live-and-let-live environment and there are no Billy Grahams spinning sacred religious texts to push a political agenda that usually includes undying support for Israel.

But then I see a woman in Wal-Mart with a t-shirt that says “My Posse’s Ready for Spiritual Warfare” and I wake up in a cold sweat, trembling in fear reaching for my mommy’s veiny, lactating breast. I am forced to return to a reality where Americans desperately clutch a Precious Moments version of Christianity where a Caucasian Jesus in a white robe and flowing beard looks over us with a loving smile and a gentle hand and plays sports with our kids and occasionally rides bulls. I am forced to snap back to reality and smell the holy water.

I give the American people too much credit. I naïvely assume we are moving, as a nation, toward an era where fundamentalism is overpowered by knowledge and acceptance of everyone, not just those the Bible says we should accept. I assume the American public is becoming more aware of religious intolerance on a global scale. I assume people will recognize a politician rooted in a corrupt, misguided version of Christianity and determine her as the absolute last thing America needs. But you know what happens when we assume.

I’m going back to my fantasy world now. It’s totally better than this one.

Wake me up when the Flying Spaghetti Monster has come to take us Pastafarians back home.

Hot Holy Water

2010-06-03T14:02:00.000-07:00

Comedy Central has done it again. They just can't seem to make the religious crowd happy. One day it's depicting Muhammed in a bear suit, the next it's Jesus as a ninja. So I find it as no suprise that a conservative, religious coalition has set out to put a stop to it. The newly formed Citizens Against Religious Bigotry (or as I prefer to call them, CARB) has formed an online petition to prevent Comedy Central from airing a potential new show called JC, which depicts JC dealing with current social issues in New York City.
CARB uses the fact that Comedy Central caved to radical Muslims in the Muhammed/bear suit episode, yet continues to bash Christianity and depict Jesus in absurd (yet hilarious) roles.
This is an easy issue. All this CARB stuff is really unnecessary. Just show the Muhammed episode and be done with it. Humor is about discriminating against all people, Muslims and Christians alike. Once you spare one, you have to spare them all.
So I guess you could say I support the Religious Atkins Diet: Less CARB, more gristle. When it comes to religion, there's certainly enough fat to go around.

Isn't that from Corinthians?

2010-01-19T07:13:00.000-08:00

Okay, for as cheesy as this one is, it actually made me chuckle. But only a little. I can totally see some Mormon kid sporting this at church camp.

Because we wouldn't want anything to taint the reputation of the catholic church.

2009-12-20T07:20:00.000-08:00

Cory Doctorow on December 19, 2009 9:57 PM
Pope passes special Vatican copyright giving him exclusive right to use his name, title, image
The Pope has created a special (and weirdly incoherent) copyright in his name, image and symbols. This "copyright" appears to prohibit using these words and symbols to denote goods or services ("Pope Secondary School," "Pope Soap," "Pope Burgers"), all of which are covered already under trademark and fraud laws, and need no copyright to protect them.The statement cited a "great increase of affection and esteem for the person of the Holy Father" in recent years as contributing to a desire to use the Pontiff's name for all manner of educational and cultural institutions, civic groups and foundations.
Due to this demand, the Vatican has felt it necessary to declare that "it alone has the right to ensure the respect due to the Successors of Peter, and therefore, to protect the figure and personal identity of the Pope from the unauthorized use of his name and/or the papal coat of arms for ends and activities which have little or nothing to do with the Catholic Church..."

"Consequently, the use of anything referring directly to the person or office of the Supreme Pontiff... and/or the use of the title 'Pontifical,' must receive previous and express authorization from the Holy See," concluded the message released to the press.

For a good cause

2009-11-18T10:43:00.000-08:00

This may look like a horrible, tacky, disproportionate, mutant Jesus tattoo, but it's not. It's actually a call for downs syndrome awareness by the American Christian Institute for Downs Syndrome, otherwise known as ACIDS. What better way to draw attention to a terrible disease than to get a tattoo of Jesus with Downs Syndrome?

Just kidding, it's just a shitty tattoo.

Aaarrrr! you born again matey?

2009-06-12T18:40:00.000-07:00

You know, there's nothing that will convince me to give my heart to Jesus like a good, hearty pirate joke.

Yahweh or Yeehaw

2008-12-15T11:54:00.000-08:00

Okay, I understand. We can't fully relate to a religion that originated in the deserts of the middle east so we have to incorporate a bit of our culture to make it easier to swallow. But c'mon, this is just ridiculous.

2008-11-23T06:18:00.000-08:00

My coffee cup runneth over.

Pets can be sacrilegious too!

2008-10-19T16:00:00.000-07:00

More cheesy christian canine clothing can be found Here.

For God so loved Snowglobes, that He gave His only begotten son

2008-10-19T09:29:00.000-07:00

Dave Matthews sings in "Christmas Song" that Jesus is ashamed of what we have made of religion.

"When Jesus Christ was nailed to his tree, he said 'oh Daddio, I can see how it all soon will be'."

Something tells me he didn't see this one coming.

Oh, I beg to differ

2008-10-16T14:36:00.001-07:00

Nothing like a witty play on words to spread the love of Christ.

2008-10-16T14:16:00.000-07:00